Bitter Sweet Honey - - - - - Sirius Black, OC Julie Sheenan
by MBlackBird
Summary: The incredibly stubborn Julie Sheenan discovers she's a witch and leaves her family behind to attend Hogwarts. After her first encounter with the annoying boy Sirius Black she befriends Remus Lupin and finds out Lily Evans hates Sirius as much as she does. Together they stand against the troublemakers. What she doens't realise is that she develops a soft spot for the boy.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Julie woke up from her small wooden bed in her small pink chamber on an ordinary morning. She took off her pyjamas and walked towards her cute drawer to take out her favourite dress: a light pink one with a big multi-coloured flowers. She climbed out of the window, onto the tree standing behind her room in their backyard.

She sat on the big branch for a minute or two, looking at the rising sun and then decided to get down. She climbed through the maze of stable and unstable branches towards the solid ground and slowly put her feet on the grass of their backyard. She looked inside through their backdoor and found her father making breakfast for her little brother.

She tried to open the door, but soon found out it was still locked, so she knocked a few times until her father looked up from his cooking and found Julie standing in front of the glass door. He shook his head with a chuckle, but before he opened the door, he stared at her for a few seconds, teasing her with the situation of her standing outside.

"We talked about the climbing thing," her father chuckled, trying to be stern.

"We did," she responded, "but that doesn't mean I'm supposed to listen to it."

"You're just like you mother, you know that," he said, playing the mother card, "you're so bloody stubborn, even if it is about a matter which endangers you. Maybe I should just stop trying!

"Maybe little Jack is still to be saved," Julie suggested.

"I'm not!" the small, black haired boy exclaimed.

"It seems like my children are doomed," her father chuckled before he returned to his stove again, "would you like some eggs, Julie?"

"Yeah, thanks dad."

Julie sat down next to Jack and patted him on the head in a loving way until her eyes fell upon a letter lying on the table in front of her.

"Oh by the way," her father started as if he had read her mind, "there's a letter addressed to you from this school that would like to have you."

Julie picked up the letter and tore the letter open, she never got much mail after all.

"Hogwarts Wizarding School?" Julie asked rhetorically, "just like Beauxbatons? The school mommy attended?"

"I think so," John answered, "I remember her talking about it from time to time."

"So I'm a witch," Julie smiled, "just like mommy?"

"I guess you are," her father grinned, "I told you, you looked like her? Didn't I?"

"Yeah you did," she said with a huge smile, "not only the looks, it appears."

"Not only the looks," he confirmed.

Julie took the platter with breakfast from her father and looked at him. Aside from the honey coloured eyes and the tanned skin they didn't look alike at all, unlike her and her brother, who were almost symmetrical in their features.

Both of their skins were tanned like their father's, both had a pointy nose, thin lips, full cheeks and fierce eyebrows. On top of all that they had a big mess of black curls, Julie's in a ponytail, Jack's on the loose. The only real difference was that Jack had light blue eyes, while Julie's were honey brown.

"So when are we going to get going?" Julie asked her father.

"What are you talking about?" her father chuckled.

"Here it says I have to get my stuff from Diagon Alley in London," she answered, "that's quite some ride, we should get going early."

"Honey," John sighed, "we are not going to London today... Maybe next week or the week after."

"Yes, we are! What if all the books are sold out by the time you want to go?" Julie pointed out, "Then I'll be the weird kid with no books."

John stared at her and mumbled some incomprehensible words and took a sip of his tea.

"Fine," John said, "the thing we want the least in the world is for you to show your true nature. Let's go."

He finished his coffee and put on his coat.

"Jack, Julie finish your breakfast. We're going to London," after he walked away he mumbled again, but this time Julie understood a few of the words: "bloody hell... was hoping for a nice and quiet weekend... bloody London..."


	2. Chapter 1

**Hey guys!**

 **So you've probably read the prologue and maybe my other story His Path towards Freedom and found yourself reading this while you actually want to read the first real chapter.**

 **I just wanted to say, thank you for reading my story. If you haven't had the chance to read my other fanfiction yet? Check it out. It's a Scabior Hermione fanfiction, an unusual pair, but the usual would be boring, right?**

 **Have fun reading!**

 **Chapter 1**

"...and the other day you were just lying in my arms sleeping and now you're here ready to leave me until Christmas!" John said upset, "my sweet little Julie!"

"Dad stop it!" Julie said with an eye roll, "I'll be back in no time!"

"Don't you get in that faze all ready! Keep loving your daddy," John said almost threatening, "you're not old enough to be embarrassed of me, yet. Save that for after I'm dead."

"Dad I still love you," Julie sighed, "but I have to go..."

"I know, sweetheart," he smiled sadly, "go you goofball!"

Julie gave her father another kiss, hugged her little brother and looked up at her father again.

"Bye daddy," she said, pulling him into another hug.

"Bye my honeybun," he said back to her.

Julie held onto her father for a long period of time until John pulled her loose, he took her trunk and pushed her towards the train.

"I don't think any father has ever been that eager to get rid of his daughter," Julie stated dryly.

"I'm just preventing you from hugging me another hour," her father chuckled.

"And I also don't think any father would be bothered to be hugged for another hour," she grunted.

Julie stepped on the train, which was ready to leave. She looked at her father, who was almost at eyelevel now.

She took him into another embrace and gave him his final kiss.

"Take care of little Jack for me," she said sadly.

"Julie...I'm your father," John laughed.

"I know," Julie smiled, she took the trunk from her father and walked inside the train.

"Don't you forget to write me!" her father called after her as the train started moving. Julie wanted to tell him she would, but the moving train prevented her from doing so.

She walked along the compartments and opened one where two black haired boys were sitting. One was wearing glasses and had his hairdo all messed up, the other had wavy hair and grey eyes. Julie decided she'd ask if it was all right if she'd join them, so she opened the door and put her head inside.

"Would you mind me bothering you on your ride with my presence?" she asked triumphantly.

The two boys turned their heads towards her, but immediately looked at one another again.

"Well..." the first one started.

"Maybe we would?" the second one with glasses finished.

Julie sighed and shook her head, she was struggling to keep standing due to the moving train, so she didn't have time for such non sense.

"Okay," she said irritated," either you say yes and let me sit there, or I'll move on to the next one, to find someone who has better manners than to let a girl stand here in the hallway, ready to tumble. So make up your bloody minds."

"Well..." the second boy started.

"Fine," the girl said, "I'll go on to the next one then."

She closed the door, but just before it shut completely she heard the wavy haired boy talk.

"James!" he called out at him with obvious frustration.

Julie shook her head and continued on to the next, again containing two boys, these were both brown haired.

"Would you mind me contaminating those benches with my but?" she asked, still frustrated about the rude boys she came along.

"Not at all," the slender one laughed, "please..."

Julie walked inside, put her trunk away and sat down next to the kind boy.

"Thank you," she grunted.

"Nothing to thank for," the boy smiled, before he took out his hand for Julie to shake, "Remus Lupin."

"Juliet Sheenan," she said as she took his scarred hand, "but you can call me Julie."

"Peter Pettigrew," the silent, chubby boy said.

"Juliet."

"Am I allowed to call you Julie as well?" the boy joked.

"Of course you are, Peter," Jessie smiled.

She like the two boys, at least they were kind and while she had already started rivalry with the other two boys, the encounter with Remus and Peter might have been the start of a beautiful friendship.

(Quote intended)

After the long ride with her newest friends, Julie found herself in a little boat with them and another girl.

The whole girl had a goofy appearance, her nose was turned slightly up, her big blue eyes were taking over half of her face, her long eyelashes batting like crazy, her full lips in a perfect heart shape and her cheeks formed like apples. Her body was rather slender, compared to Julie's bit fuller posture. Next to all that she had long, dark blonde hair with streaks of lighter blonde, bleached by the sun Julie reckoned.

She wasn't only goofy, but also pretty, for how pretty an eleven year old could get.

"I'm Sasha Tonkins," she said with a wild smile, "if nobody else was planning on joining you, I will."

Remus shrugged and extended his hand.

"Remus Lupin, nice meeting you."

Immediately she saw Sasha blushing, even though there was a lack of light.

"Juliet Sheenan," she said while shaking the hand of the girl she just met.

"Sheenan, eh?"

"Yeah," Julie chuckled.

"Interesting," the girl mumbled.

Julie exchanged glances with Peter and Remus who both just shrugged and looked around the lake.

It was absolutely beautiful, as long as the blonde kept talking and the others nodded once every two minutes, they could enjoy the surroundings of the immense castle.

Finally they reached shore, first Peter climbed out, then Remus. Remus, being a gentleman, helped both Juliet as Sasha up shore, even though he obviously found Sasha annoying.

Julie decided to keep close to the boys, in order not to walk alone in the gigantic row of first years.

After five minutes of walking, they reached a slender, small witch, with glasses resting upon her nose, wearing robes Julie assumed were accustomed amongst the Wizarding world.

The woman introduced herself as Minerva McGonall, the head of the so called Gryffindor and explained the process of sorting.

Each student would be sorted into the house that reflected their personality the most.

Gryffindors were brave, courageous and honourable.

Slytherins were cunning, resourceful, but above all ambitious.

Hufflepuffs were loyal, kind and caring.

Ravenclaws were clever, hardworking and creative.

Hufflepuff immediately came to Jessie's mind. She was very loyal to those who deserved it, she was caring over those who needed care and kind to those who were kind to her.

But was that truly the house she was supposed to be sorted in, or was she merely flattering herself with having the idea of being a kind human being as her overpowering trade?

Ravenclaw wasn't for her, she thought, immediately, she wasn't bound to learning, she was bound to adventure.

Maybe Gryffindor? Maybe Slytherin?

No, not Slytherin... She thought, she could be resourceful from time to time, but cunning and ambitious she was most certainly not.

Courageous? Brave? Maybe...

The first child was called forward, it was a dark skinned boy, in a split of a second he was sorted into Hufflepuff.

He seemed nice... Julie reckoned, she could be friends with him.

After that another boy was called forward: Sirius Black, the boy from the uncomfortable encounter she had grown to dislike.

The boy sat upon the chair, with the hat on his head, ready to hear his house called out: "Gryffindor! the hat shouted.

The boy looked rather confused, as if he expected another house, but sat down at the table with a grin after all.

After that a redhead girl and a brown haired boy were called into Gryffindor, a black girl and three clever looking boys into Ravenclaw, three girls and two boys into Slytherin and a blonde girl, a redhead boy and an Indian looking girl into Hufflepuff.

"Lupin, Remus," was called out by McGonall.

The boy looked behind him, winked at Peter and her, and turned around to be sorted.

"Gryffindor!"

Remus joined the black haired boy and tried to shake hands, but the boy called Sirius pulled his hand back, just before Remus could touch it, with a grin and combed his hair with his right hand. Afterwards he shook Remus' hand after all and probably introduced himself.

Julie turned away and saw as Peter and the other annoying boy called James Potter were sorted into Gryffindor. Damn it... Julie thought.

James sat down next to the red haired girl and apparently shook her hand. The girl didn't seem very interested...

Julie wanted to be with Peter and Remus, but now the two nitwits had joined the house as well. Call that bad luck...

After another long wait, Sheenan, Juliet was called forwards.

Julie walked towards the chair, the whole action felt like slow motion, her hands were trembling, sweat broke out, because all the eyes were on her.

She sat own, put on the hat and heard it murmur.

"Well... Well... Juliet Sheenan, never had a Sheenan before..."

"I prefer being called Julie," Jolie whispered, "and my father isn't a wizard, my mum went to BeauxBartons."

"All right, Julie," the hat chuckled, "a mother in Beauxbatons? You have a kind heart, but correcting me on your name takes some courage, it says it all actually! GRYFFINDOR!"

"I thought correcting would be for Ravenclaws?" she mumbled in herself as the speed of time was normal again.

The whole Gryffindor table was clapping and shouting as Julie joined them, she sat down next to Remus, who unfortunately had sat down next to Sirius.

Julie received a pat on the shoulder from Remus, but he kept focussing on the sorting ceremony.

Shortly after Tonkins, Sasha was called forwards, Slytherin was the house for her. Sasha quickly wave at Julie and Julie waved back to the girl she had just met.

The rest of the sorting ceremony went rather fast, a few more joined each house and finally all the first years had found themselves a seat.

A greying man stepped forwards and put a spell on his throat, making it function as a microphone. Julie chuckled at that.

The man introduced himself as Albus Dumbledore, head master of Hogwarts. He welcomed them (back) and told them not to enter the forbidden forest. Afterwards he let food and drinks appear out of the blue and told them to eat until they couldn't take another bite.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Second year already, puffs," John sighed, "another year of being tortured by little Jack..."

"I'm not that bad!" Jack spat out, while he let go of his father's hand.

"And then... in three years you are in your fifth year doing exams and little Jack will leave me as well," he said sadly.

"God dad!" she sighed, "You're too emotional..."

"No, I'm not..."

"You are," little Jack said, patting his father, who towered above him on his back.

"Says the boy who started crying when I killed a spider," his dad said, shaking his head, "on his request, by the way."

"We were all there, dad," Julie said.

"That doesn't mean I can't still shove it in his face?"

Julie rolled her eyes and walked away from her family.

"Have fun, honey!"

She waved at her family a few seconds and then walked along the cabinets searching for her friends, she found Sasha amongst other Slytherins she didn't know, so she simply waved at her and continued on to find Peter and Remus.

Of course she didn't think the action completely through, as she found Sirius as well.

"Would you mind me spoiling your fun with my existence?" Julie joked as she opened the little door.

"Not at all," Remus smiled, "come in Julie."

"Good morning Remus, Peter," she smiled as she sat down beside Remus, facing Sirius and Peter.

"You just ignored my presence," Sirius said with a sigh, "how rude."

"Remus did you hear that too?" Julie asked him, "It was like a loud, uncomfortable squeak..."

"Did it come from that direction?" Remus pointed at Sirius.

"I think that's the direction it came from indeed!"

"Then I indeed heard the loud, uncomfortable squeak."

Sirius rolled his eyes just before James came in, causing him to look rather offended.

"Well I thought you'd be just a bit more excited about seeing me again, Sirius," he chuckled.

"It's not you!" he exclaimed, "It's the contamination of our fun."

"If it's a contamination of fun," James said, frowning at Julie, "would you mind me sitting next to Peter? It's not like there's fun in you she can suck out."

Sirius sighed and walked over to the bench Julie and Remus were sitting on.

"You can sit along with James and Peter as well," Julie sighed.

"Wait, do you want to be alone with your boyfriend or something?" Sirius grinned.

"He's not my boyfriend, Black," Julie rolled her eyes, "just sit next to James and Peter, I don't crave for your presence near me."

"Oh but you crave for my presence further away!"

"In this case," Julie said with a stern look.

"Peter is too fat for us to sit with three," Sirius shrugged.

Peter finally looked up from his book and threw it at Sirius.

"Just kidding! Auch! Peter just kidding!" he laughed, "Stop hitting me you silly boy!"

Peter stopped hitting the boy crawled into the corner and sat down again.

"Not funny, Sirius," Peter said with a chuckle, "stupid dog."

"Thank you!" Sirius sat back again and straightened his clothes, "so how long have the two of you been together?"

Julie's nostrils widened just before she hit Sirius on the head as a warning.

"Not funny, Sirius," Julie said.

"Would it really be that terrible to be with me?" Remus asked with a chuckle.

"No you're great," Julie assured him.

"See! You would be adorable together!" Peter teased them.

"Peter thinks so as well!" Sirius exclaimed, "It's meant to be."

"No it's not," Remus sighed, "Leave her alone, okay?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and started teasing James instead, to Julie's relief.

Like Remus requested, Sirius and James had left Julie alone most of the time, sometimes the usual teasing continued, but further than that it didn't go.

Julie however had gotten more and more suspicious about Remus, she had noticed last year that he'd been covered scratches, bruises and scars and Julie just couldn't help but get worried.

Remus just said he had this chronic disease which made him look so tired all the time, but after the first year of Wizarding school, Julie seemed to need more of an explanation than that.

Julie thought that through while staring out the window of the Hogwarts library just before the incredibly annoying boy Sirius found her.

"It's Julie, right?" Sirius asked, bending over the table Julie was working on.

"Yeah," the girl answered, "but only my friends call me Julie."

"Am I classified to be your friend?"

Julie laughed sarcastically and pointed her eyes at the words in her book, she wasn't looking at before, again.

"You wish," Julie scoffed.

"Fine," Sirius said with a grin," Then I fear I will have to call you Jo-Jo, 'cause eventually you'll be coming back to me."

Julie rolled her eyes and decided the best way to get rid of the boy was to ignore him, but what she didn't know was that the rejection only encouraged him to try again.

"Don't you have some smart response to that, Jo-Jo?" he tried.

"You know what's even more irritating than someone bothering you while you're reading?" Julie sighed.

"Do tell."

"Someone you don't like bothering you while you're reading."

"Well then it's a good thing you like me!"

Juliet scoffed and stood up, towering over the sitting boy.

"Don't even get me started, Black," she mumbled beneath her breath.

"I wouldn't mind you getting started, Jo-Jo!" he called after her.

Julie turned around and walked out of the library, in order to get to the common room.

"Remus," Julie started, "I don't understand you."

Remus looked up from the book he was reading and frowned.

"What happened?"

"Sirius Black happened," she said as she fell into the chair beside Remus'.

"What did he do?"

"He got me a nickname," Julie sighed out," Jo-Jo, because I'll eventually come back for him."

"He's a... special one."

"He's a..."

"Black's an arse," Julie heard another voice say, it came from the redheaded girl Lily she sometimes exchanged words with.

"You don't like him either?" Julie asked her.

"No!" Lily exclaimed as she took a step towards Remus and Julie, "He's horrible! Just like Potter, they are both so full of themselves..."

"I know," Julie grunted, "disgusting."

"Exactly! And how they make fun of Severus all the time," Lily said a bit sadder now.

"Sni... Severus sometimes asks for it, though," Remus said, trying to defend his friends, "the way he talks about us..."

"Don't back them up, Remus," Julie said offended, "I don't understand how such a nice boy like you can be friends with such arrogant, awful people."

"Well said, Julie!" Lily backed her up, "Remus you are such a good boy! Go hang out with Peter and us more and leave those two awful babies to be."

"They can be quite fun," Remus argued, "I like them."

"You're strange, Remus," Julie said.

"One minute ago I was still a nice, good boy!"

"That doesn't mean you can't be strange," Lily laughed.

"Girls..." Remus grunted before he stood up and walked away.

"Remus don't go!" Julie called after him.

"The strange boy isn't listening to you anymore!" he kid.

"Fine! Go off playing with your babies," Julie tried.

"Will do!"

After Remus left the common room, Julie and Lily were left in the common room alone.

"What did Black do to you?" Lily asked her.

"He got me a nickname," Julie said, "Jo-Jo."

"Why in Merlin's name Jo-Jo?" Lily asked.

"Because," she answered, "he thinks I'll keep coming back to him."

"God... So arrogant..."

"You said it."

"Are you done with your Transfiguration paper yet?" Lily asked.

"No... I was in the library working on it," Julie answered, "but Sirius came in..."

"I have finished it, shall I help you?" she offered.

"I would like that," she responded with a smile, "less work for me after all!"

And so the two bonded over their mutual hatred towards the two boys, a special type of friendship evolved. Two girls bound to protect one another no matter what. They backed each other up, sat together in class and gossiped about those terrible two every night.

Sometimes, if May wasn't drawing, she'd come join them in their flares of hatred. Julie really grew to like May and Lily, she somehow while .

"Hey Jules," Julie heard from behind her, she turned around to see Sasha standing a bit awkward.

"Oh hey Sasha," she smiled, "will you come join us for breakfast? Most important meal of the day!"

"You said it Jo-Jo!" she heard from a few seats to the right.

"Nobody asked you, Black!" she called back.

Sasha nodded and sat down next to Julie, opposite from her sat Lily and May.

"Sasha," Julie started, "now that you're here, I have made some new friends to introduce you to."

Sasha's huge eyes widened even more as she looked at the two other girls and then back at Julie.

"No worries," Julie stumped Sasha in the side with her elbow, "they don't have any prejudge over Slytherins."

Sasha's face relaxed a bit again as she took a piece of toast from the table.

"These are May Sullivan and Lily Evans," Julie said, "Lily, May this is Sasha."

"Well I guess now our ethnic diversity is complete now we have a blonde," May joked, "we only need someone Asian..."

Sasha laughed along with Lily and Julie as they continued their breakfast.

"I will be your Asian," Sirius said right after the bell ending Astronomy ended.

"Have you been eavesdropping, Black?" Julie said, rather annoyed.

"Well it's hard not to when you speak so loud," Sirius grinned.

"I didn't even make the comment," Julie said shaking her head, "and you don't seem very Asian."

"Some great-aunt on my father's side was Asian," Sirius said, walking along the girl who tried to get away from him, "I reckon that counts."

"It does not."

"Oh come on Jo-Jo!" Sirius begged, "I just want to be in your little club."

"So you can eavesdrop again?" Julie laughed.

"Nooo!"

"Create your own," Julie said, "oh wait! You actually have to get people to like you..."

"I can get people to like me," he continued.

"Well you haven't shown much of that talent yet," Julie laughed.

"It's almost Christmas," Sirius changed the subject, "are you staying at school?"

"No," she said, "I'm going home."

"All right," Sirius grinned, "Good afternoon Jo-Jo."

"Black."

"Will you walk with me to lunch?"

"No, I won't."

"So you're just going to go without lunch, because I mentioned it?" Sirius laughed out loud.

"No."

"Then why are you skipping lunch?" Sirius grinned.

"I haven't finished the assignment Professor Flickwick gave us," she explained, "I was planning on finishing it at lunch."

"Very well..."

"Enjoy your lunch, Black," Julie said as she walked away from him.

"The library is the other way," he said with a grin, pointing in the other direction.

"I know that."


	4. Chapter 3

**Hey guys!**

 **I'm back home, so there'll be more frequent updates! Yay!**

 **This story mingles with my other story called His Path towards Freedom, please check it out. I'm sure you'll like it! It's a Scabior-Hermione fanfiction, a very unusual couple, but totally worth reading for a new experience.**

 **Enjoy the new chapter.** **J**

 **Chapter 3**

Julie walked to the library and took out her work, she lied to Sirius, not about not finishing the work, but about planning on making it anyways.

She was there after all, so she decided to make the best of it. The assignment Flickwick had given them was making her brain boil, she had never witnessed an assignment that boring.

Charms was something Julie didn't have trouble with, she actually liked the subject, but this... Merlin's beard.

She was halfway through when she was interrupted by the voice she hated the most.

"So you actually weren't lying to avoid me?" Sirius said thoughtfully.

"I wouldn't do such thing," she said quickly, "I'm not like you."

"I've noticed Jo-Jo," he sighed and sat down next to her, "I could give you my work, then we can head back to the great hall and have lunch together."

Julie's eyes widened: "The copying part sounds great, I'll give you two minutes of my time in exchange for your work."

"A shame I didn't do it either, then," he grinned, "now we can do it together! How about that?"

"I'd rather jump into a puddle of starving piranhas, spiced up and ready to be devoured," she said dryly before walking away from the stunned boy.

She walked downstairs to the great hall to get herself some food before they had to go to class again. She found Lily sitting with May, but Sasha wasn't there again. She sat down at the table and quickly filled her plate with eggs.

"Were have you been?" May asked.

"Working in the library," she answered, "trying to get some of Flickwick's charms assignment done."

"Have you finished it?" Lily asked.

"No," Julie said, "the first class nitwit showed up again."

"They can't seem to leave us alone," Lily said shaking her head, "bloody bloodsuckers. Do you want to copy mine?"

"Thank you," she said, taking the parchment from Lily, "at least you're helpful. What's with Sasha?"

"There are these kids in her house that are obsessed with blood purity," May explained, "she's a half blood, so most of the time they leave her alone, but they do curse on her that she's a blood traitor or something? Because she hang out with a muggle born, also known as Lily."

"It's not like she agrees with them," Lily continued, "but she really dislikes the way they treat her, so she asked me if it was okay if she avoided me a little. Not that it was anything personal, but just because she couldn't cope with her other housemates."

Julie shook her head, drank the last bit of the orange juice and stood up. "I have to go grab my books," she said, "will I see you at potions?"

"Yeah," the others said.

Julie walked away from her friends, but right when she left the great hall, she ran into Remus who looked again tired as hell. She decided now was the time to confront the boy.

"Remus can I talk to you for a second?" Julie asked out of the blue.

"Of course," he said, "Something wrong?"

"No," she shook her head, "I... just... come."

She stood up and dragged Remus with her until she found a silent corridor and started talking.

"You know? I'm quite capable of walking."

"Yesterday," Julie started, "you looked like you were about to collapse on the breakfast table. I don't believe you're just sick, something is up."

She took his arm and rolled up his sleeve.

"See those scars? And those fresh wounds? That isn't sickness, Remus," she sighed, "tell me what's bloody wrong."

"I can't," he responded with pain in his eyes.

"Why not?" Julie scoffed.

"Remus and Julie sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" James and Sirius sang before they put an arm around Remus.

"Well, mate," James laughed, "you sure as hell did good. She's a pretty lady."

"Bugger off," Remus sighed, "seriously just go."

"Wow, Lupin!" Sirius said offended, "we were just joking around!"

"Not now, Sirius," Remus said, "I'll see you in class."

"Yeah... See ya," Sirius murmured.

After James and Sirius were gone, Remus grabbed Julie's arm and looked her in the eye.

"Listen, Julie," he said, "don't get involved in this. I can handle it, you don't have to worry."

"I am your friend Remus," Julie let out, "you're supposed to be able to talk to me!"

"I don't want to talk to you!"

"But..."

"Just drop it, Julie!"

He let go of her arm, that was hurting because of his grip and turned around to head towards class, leaving Julie, stunned.

After another two days of listening to Lily hate on James and Sirius, worrying about Remus, being taunted by the two and now also Sasha as good as leaving them, Julie had had enough.

While Lily was telling May about how James had rudely bumped into her while running from Filch, Julie stood up and walked away, causing the two girls to look up confused.

She walked downstairs to the common room, only to find the four boys sitting around the fire. She rolled her eyes and walked away from the boys, ignoring them.

"Hey Peter," she said, addressing the only boy from the four she wasn't angry with.

"Good afternoon Julie," Peter said happily.

"Did the two lovebirds have a fight?" James called after her.

"Shut up, James," Julie snarled before she left the common room.

Julie didn't care about the heads that turned because of her sudden outburst, she didn't want anyone's drama. She felt her arm still hurting from Remus' grip from the last time they had talked. She just didn't understand why no one seemed to think about her feelings, as if she didn't matter.

She walked outside, into the freezing air and the loud thunder, but she ignored it all and walked away from the castle. She looked around the grounds until she saw a huge tree standing near the Black Lake. She walked towards it, climbed in and sat down on the highest still thick branch she could find.

Julie felt the tears stream down, she wasn't only sad about how Remus had treated her and about how Sirius was torturing her. She wasn't only sad about how Lily and May didn't seem to have any interest in her and about how Sasha was feeling down. She was also sad because she missed her home, her father.

She missed how his glasses always slipped down the bridge of his fierce nose, she missed how his eyes twinkled with excitement when they were having one of their pointless discussions, she missed how his sand blond hair, that was nothing like hers, was always messed up and fell in front of his eyes.

She missed how she could joke around with him, how sometimes he would become so protective over her, that she didn't even notice the absence of her mother anymore. She missed the way he cooked, the way her bed smelled. She missed her little brother, she missed how he somehow always managed not to eat his vegetables and how he was such a know it all, but her father all ways remained calm through their exchange of words... How her little brother would crawl into her bed when it stormed outside...

And how she sat there, in that tree, that wasn't her tree, in the thunder without her little brother crawling beneath her blankets, without her father looking at them, little Jack sleeping in Julie's arms, but Julie still wide awake to make sure she wouldn't push Jack off the bed.

She wanted to go home.

How would her father react if he could see her then and there? Would he take her back home and make her a huge cup of tea? She would like a cup of tea...

Julie sat there, in that tree, just looking out at everything. She could see people moving inside the castle through the little peering holes, she saw the creatures inside the lake swimming, she saw lightning lighten up the sky and heard thunder crushing all other sounds.

She knew this tree would be her new spot.

Julie sat there for another hour or so just enjoying the calmness of the outside world with no other human being to bother her. She sometimes still felt the tears streaming down, but she knew very well that she just needed to let it all out.

Finally she decided that it was time to go back to the castle, partly because she noticed that the sun was getting lower and lower, which meant dinner would be ready soon.

After she entered the building, she snuck into the first bathroom she saw and looked at the mirror. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair a mess from the wind and her clothes wet because of the rain. She tried to quickly adjust her hair and sat on the toilet for a few minutes, hoping the redness of her eyes would decrease.

She got out again, shot another glance at the mirror, and walked towards the common room, once she entered, the eyes of the four boys shot at her. She didn't grant them another look, but just walked upstairs to the dorm in order to put on dry clothes.

"Julie, wait!" Remus exclaimed, he ran after her and grabbed her shoulder.

"Remus," she responded, "if you don't mind I'd like to put on some dry clothes and head towards dinner. Let go of my shoulder."

Remus let go and Julie returned to her dorm where May and Lily were still talking. Both of their heads turned as Julie walked to her closet and took out another uniform.

"Where were you and why are you so..." May asked.

"Outside," Julie interrupted.

"What were you doing outside?" Lily and May asked at the same time.

"Thinking."

"Are you going to answer with more than one word?" Lily asked her slightly offended.

"No."

"Fine then," Lily sighed, "we are going to dinner, will you be there?"

Julie nodded and continued to put her dry clothes on.

"Did we offend you or anything?" May asked slightly concerned.

"You didn't," Julie answered, "I just needed some time to think things through."

"Okay then," May said with a nod, "see you later."

"Yeah..."

Julie put on her skirt, put her shoes in front of the fire and walked to the bathroom. There she combed her hair, took some of the make-up ( which her father had given her for her birthday, basically because he didn't know anything better to giv) that she never used and put some concealer beneath her eyes, making it even less noticeable that she had been crying.

She went downstairs on her socks, to find only Remus sitting by the fire now. He looked up and saw Julie walking down towards the exit.

"Julie, please," Remus begged, "I just want to talk. I'm sorry!"

"You know, Remus?" Julie began, "You really hurt me out there."

"I know," he said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have grabbed your wrist like that..."

"It's not only my wrist!" Julie scoffed, "You hurt my feelings."

"I did?"

"Yes, you did! I was just being concerned and you just told me to drop it?" Julie shook her head, "I don't know what has been going on with you and if you don't want me involved in it? Fine. Just know that it hurts me and know that I would always want to listen to you... You didn't have to be such a jerk about it."

"I'm sorry," Remus apologized again, "it's really nothing, okay? You don't have to worry about it."

"Well it's too late for that, Lupin." Julie chuckled sadly.

"Have you been crying?" he asked as he took a step towards her, he grabbed her face and looked into her honey eyes, "You have been, haven't you?"

"That's none of your concern," she answered while his grip loosened.

"It is! I'm your friend..."

"See? Now you know what it feels like," she said before she walked away from him.

"What do you want me to do, eh?" Remus exclaimed.

"Tell me the bloody truth!" she called after him.

"You don't understand, Julie!" Remus let out with a sigh, "I can't tell you."

Julie turned around again to face her friend in the empty common room.

"Why not?"

"Because you'll hate me for it..."

"I promise I won't," Julie sighed , "I promise."

"I'm sorry, Julie," Remus said with a swallow, "I want us to be friends again, but I simply cannot tell you."

"Fine then."

And with that, Julie decided to postpone finding out about Remus' truth, but she didn't postpone to be observant.

She was determined to find out what was going on, if Remus didn't want to tell her?

Fine.

But she'd find out.

And she'd help him.


	5. Chapter 4

**Hey guys!**

 **So another chapter done! I'm saying it again, sorry, but if you haven't read my other story yet? Go check it out, now! It's a Scabior-Hermione fanfiction, a.k.a. Scabione and it collapses with Bitter Sweet Honey further in Scabione fanfic. If you like an unusual pair and a bit of a crossover? Check it out.**

 **Enjoy the next chapter!**

 **Chapter 4**

The few weeks went just fine. Julie had explained to her friends why she ran away from them and had left Remus'problems alone, even though she saw how he struggled. The snow had started to fall long ago, so the Slytherin – Ravenclaw was absolute torture. And even though her friend Sasha was a Slytherin, she was sad Ravenclaw lost drastically with 210-70... It was a long game.

They also found out about open spots on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, because of two chaser and a seeker graduating that year. The commentator, an enthusiastic Ravenclaw boy, would also graduate, but that spot had already been promised to their fellow Gryffindor and fourth year that May had a little crush on: Jimmy Jordan.

Julie had already heard James talk to the boys about joining the team as a chaser and Julie had been thinking about auditioning as a Seeker. She had done very well at their flying lessons, she was quick, handy, small and had a great eye for detail. She thought she might do well.

She hadn't told May and Lily about her thoughts yet and she wasn't sure if she would, maybe they'd think she was crazy.

The auditions were in the week after the Christmas vacation. She was planning on practising Quidditch with her dad and little Jack, she had already asked him in a letter to buy her a simple broomstick called the Comet 180 and a Quidditch ball set to practise on in the Christmas vacation. She hadn't gotten a response yet.

She had told Remus about her thoughts about joining the Quidditch team and he was stoked. James had been rattling on about one of the best brooms on the market, the Nimbus 1000, Remus was turning mad.

Sirius however didn't show as much interest in the whole Quidditch experience, James talked and talked and talked, but Julie noticed how Sirius only nodded and half listened. Peter was also absolutely done with James, so Remus and he just let the other two alone. Causing Sirius to look up at them begging for mercy.

Julie decided to ask Sirius what was wrong, even though she partly knew the type of answer she would get. She wanted to be nice to him, maybe he'd start teasing her... she thought...

"Hey Sirius," she said, as she walked up to him sitting alone in the cold.

"Good morning Jo-Jo," Sirius teased, "what are you doing up at this time outside?"

"I could ask the same about you," she responded, dodging the question.

"I just had to be alone a little bit," he answered with a sigh, "now you answer."

"The same," she lied, but actually partly didn't.

"Right," Sirius chuckled, "you hate talking to me."

"Not only talking, Sirius," Julie said before she sat down at the bench next to him.

"And yet you are sitting next to me in this freezing cold," Sirius said with a sigh, leaving a cloud of warm breath, "it seems as if you can't go without me."

"Stop being so arrogant," Julie scoffed, "I went out here because I actually feel myself turning mad in there. James just going on about Quidditch, Remus and Peter complaining about it, Julie and May never really paying attention to me and next to that, your presence."

"The me part was highly explained," Sirius said with a sad laugh.

"You seem quiet around James," Julie continued, "what is that all about?"

Sirius looked at her, kept quiet for a few seconds, probably thinking about the random question and then answered.

"I have a younger brother, Regulus," Sirius explained, "a pain in the ass if you ask me, next year he'll be going to Hogwarts. We used to play Quidditch when we were younger, my mum would always praise Regulus for being so great at everything. Every move he made was a blessing. While my mother didn't encourage me just once."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Julie mumbled beneath her breath.

"Yeah... Well," Sirius continued, "I'm used to it now. It's just that James gets spoiled and is so loved by his parents and now he's probably going to be in the team and I just... I'm happy for him, but I'm not."

"He has everything you always wanted to have?" Julie asked him.

"Kinda."

"Then why won't you audition for the team?" Julie suggested.

"Me? On the team?" Sirius scoffed, "please... compared to James I'm nothing on a broom."

"The first time the great Sirius Black isn't good at everything!"

"I never said I was good at _everything_ ," Sirius chuckled, "thank you for listening to my whining..."

"Any time," Julie smiled, "you know? I'm thinking about auditioning for becoming Seeker."

"You? Seeker?" Sirius chuckled.

"Yeah," Julie said slightly offended, "I'm pretty good at flying, I'm quick, small, light."

"That's true," Sirius smiled at her, "I'm sure you'd make a great Seeker."

"Thank you," Julie said satisfied.

"If you'd be the last player on earth..."

Julie made an offended face and slammed him on his chest.

"At least I'm better than my little brother," she said, teasing Sirius back.

"You have a little brother?" Sirius asked surprised, ignoring the tease.

"I do. Little Jack, he's four years younger than me..."

"Well that's not hard to beat!"

"That's not the point," Julie grinned at him, "I'd beat you."

"Yeah... I actually think you would," he laughed.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Julie sighed and stood up. She walked away from him, but Sirius' voice stopped her.

"Where are you going?" he had asked her.

"Well," she started to explain, "it's bloody freezing outside and I'm not planning on freezing to death. I'm planning on grabbing myself some breakfast."

"Can I come with you?"

"No."

"Otherwise I'll freeze to death!" Sirius stood up and walked towards Julie, "Please?"

"I'm not withholding you from coming in," Julie said, responding to the pouting of Sirius, "I'm withholding you from joining me for breakfast. And stop the pouting! I'm trying to be serious here!"

"That's impossible... I'm Sirius," Sirius grinned.

"God," Julie sighed, "that was awful."

"But you liked it!"

"No, I didn't!"

"There's the smile again!" Sirius grinned, "Now let's go inside and get ourselves a big cup of tea."

"I'm not drinking tea with you, Sirius Black," Julie chuckled.

"But... tea?"

"I. Don't. Care."

"Don't fool yourself, you love tea."

"Goodbye, Sirius."

"Enjoy your breakfast, Julie."

"Julie!" John ran towards the girl making her way through the mass of children getting out of the train to visit their families for the holidays.

Julie turned around to see her father throw his arms around her and squeeze his daughter to death.

"Hi... Dad... Air?"

"Right... Right! Sorry about that," John adjusted Julie's clothes and took her to the pillar where little Jack was standing.

Julie rubbed his head like she always did and began followed her father, who took them home.

"I've got you a little Christmas present you can open early," her father chuckled.

"Ahh Dad! It's the Comet 180, isn't?!" Julie asked excited.

"Maybe... Maybe not?"

"Merlin dad! You're such a horrible tease!" she exclaimed again, but mumbled: "Like I haven't had enough of that," to herself.

She walked out of the trainstation with her family and towards their car. Little Jack had grown again and was starting to get less of a little Jack every time she saw him. He still was only eight years old, which was still small. But even if Julie would be ninety and Jack 86, Jack would still be Julie's little Jack.


	6. Chapter 5

**Hey guys,**

 **Emotional rollercoaster. That's all I have to say... Damn I hate my writing self.**

 **Chapter 5**

Julie ran inside towards where a big Christmas tree was standing, but didn't see any present wrapped in the size of a broomstick. She shook her head in confusion and instead ran towards the kitchen. There she saw it laying, a long, wrapped, broomstick.

She heard her dad appear from behind her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Go ahead, open it," he chuckled.

Julie didn't hesitate for another moment and started clawing through the papers, but what she saw wasn't a Comet, no... It was a Nimbus 1000.

She held the broomsticks in her hands and examined it closely. Every curve, every branch, all of the perfection.

Then she looked around to face her father who was grinning like an idiot.

"Why did you do that?" Julie asked in confusion, "I haven't even joined the team yet."

"Your mum played Quidditch when she was in Beauxbatons. When you addressed the matter to me, I immediately thought of her," her father explained, "so soon after I went to Diagon Alley, all alone, absolutely terrified, to buy you a Comet 180, but I saw a way better one for my little girl to fly on."

"Dad, I can't take this from you!" Julie scoffed, "what if I don't get on the team?"

"You will."

"But..."

"No but!" her father took a step forward and put a kiss on her forehead, "Just be happy and say 'Thank you, Daddy! You're the best!'"

He tried to do an impression of Julie, failed to succeed, but did succeed in making her laugh.

"Thank you, daddy... You really are the best," she said before she took him into a hug.

She released him and ran outside, suddenly. "What are you doing?" John laughed.

"Trying it out! What else?" she chuckled as she stepped onto her broomstick and flew into the air.

Her father ran outside after her, almost ran into the tree standing near the kitchen, next to Julie's bathroom and gasped.

"Julie, please don't fall off!" her father screamed, "Don't make that twist, Julie, please! No, no don't you dare get that close to me! Damn it, Julie!"

Julie laughed and made another close dive to the ground, let out her arm and brushed against the grass with her fingers, making her father scream out of fear.

Julie didn't have to be afraid for people who might see her, they lived far away from the village with no neighbours except for the birds nestling in their bird's nest.

She looked around and saw their beautiful, small, private lake, the hills further away and the woods surrounding the hills.

She flew higher and higher, letting the cold, winter wind slam against her cheeks and ripple through her clothes and dark hair in her ponytail. When she reached the point her broomstick started shaking, she went back down again slowly and landed in front of her father with a huge grin on her face.

"You gave me a heart attack," her father sighed.

"You gave me a broomstick," his daughter argued.

"Why did I give you a broomstick again?" her father asked, hitting himself on the forehead.

"I don't know," Julie said with a serious tone, "you should ask that to yourself."

They walked inside together, John laughing because of the stubbornness of Julie, but stopped laughing when he saw little Jack pouting with his arms crossed at the other end of the kitchen.

"Jack... I can explain," their father tried, before the storm called jealous Jack would start.

"You gave Julie a broomstick?" Jack asked, clearly overly jealous, "While I'm here playing with my stupid trains?"

"Jackie! I thought you liked those trains..." John sighed.

"I like those trains, but last time I checked they couldn't fly..." Jack shook his head and sat down at the kitchen table, "Julie has a wand and Julie has a broomstick, Julie is a witch and Julie is perfect."

Julie rolled her eyes and drank some water from the crane.

"You're terrible when you're jealous, Jack," Julie sighed.

"I'm not jealous," Jack told her, still shaking his head, "I don't like that man over there!"

He pointed at their father who responded with a dramatic gasp and clamped his heart.

"A heart attack and a heart break on one day," their father sighed, "what monsters did we create?"

"Don't you act like I'm stupid!" Jack exclaimed, "I'm not stupid... You are stupid."

"We should find a flying train," Julie stated.

"We should, shouldn't we?" her father nodded while rubbing his chin.

"Maybe they have them at Diagon Alley?" Julie suggested.

"London is a long drive," her father sighed, "can't you do your Abracadabra thing?"

"I'm not allowed to perform magic until I'm seventeen," Julie explained.

"That's stupid," John scoffed, "why seventeen? It's illogical."

"I know!" Julie laughed, "You can't imagine how long I've tried to think of a way to make it make more sense."

"It's really strange," John said rubbing his chin again, "I mean... at eighteen you can, besides voting, drink and smoke and all of the stuff you shouldn't do... Hint, hint, that was a responsible father moment... But it's like seventeen is just there to irritate people, like to show that wizards have to stay special."

"Maybe they indeed made it illogical on purpose," the honey eyed girl continued, "it sounds like something they would..."

"Hello?" Jack interrupted, clapping his hands, "we were talking about my flying train?"

"You're not getting a flying train," John stated, "bloody unthankful children..."

"But Daddy!" Jack cried out.

"Don't you dare play the daddy card!" their father scoffed, "I get her a flying broomstick she first doesn't accept and then decides to use it to cause me distress. Then I get my way to clever son jamming on about getting a flying train! Why can't my kids be normal? Because my way to gorgeous wife had to give them, besides every single gene, the gene to cause them to be super awesome magical shits.

Great Lux! Thanks a lot."

Their father shook his head and stepped outside of the kitchen.

"Bloody girl on a broomstick," John chuckled, "man... How boring my life would have been without that woman."

"When are we going to go see her again, dad?" Jack asked, causing John to turn around and face his children, the boy looking at her father with big eyes and the girl looking at the boy with big eyes that turned away to face the father.

"I don't know, Jackie," her father sighed, "believe me, I'd love to go visit, but with Julie going to that school now and my work busier than ever... I just don't think we can."

"But now we have vacation," Jack pushed, "you don't have to work and we don't have to go to school."

"Jack. I said no," the sound of John's voice suddenly changed from kind and understanding to angry and frustrated.

"We can go in the summer vacation?" Jack asked again.

"Jack..." Julie sighed and shook her head.

"Jack, I... I just can't take it," John then suddenly said with a rasp in his voice, "I am finally able to let her go, please don't make me go through all of that again... I just want us to be happy. She is gone, we're here. Now please let it go, okay?"

"Okay..."

"Thank you," John sighed, "We will go, I promise. I know you want to go, but not now. Just give me some time."

"I said okay," Jack murmured.

"Good," John took a deep breath, squeezed Julie's shoulder, who was holding back her tears, "do you want some tea, honey?"

"Yeah," Julie smiled, "a big cup of tea with a..."

"A pinch of milk and a chocolate biscuit," John interrupted and finished, "I know you better than you think."

"Thanks dad," Julie said.

"You're welcome," John grinned, "Jackie?"

"Sure," Jack said, "can I go play with my trains after?"

"Of course you can," John answered, "See? Non flying trains are pretty cool too."

Julie lay in bed all night wiggling beneath her blankets, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in. She sighed, stood up and walked out of her room, across the hallway to where her father was sleeping.

She knocked the doors three times and heard a faint grunt for her to come in.

She opened the door and found her father sitting in bed with a book on his lap in his pyjamas with his glasses on. He looked up from the book and smiled.

"Bad dream?" he asked.

"I just couldn't sleep," Julie answered.

"Come here," John said, "no... close the door! You know I hate doors ajar!"

"Why do you hate doors ajar again?" Julie asked while she walked back to close the door.

"Because they aren't fully open and they aren't fully closed and it just irritates me," John explained her, "as if the door can't decide whether it should be opened or should be closed..."

"Doors can't decide if they want to be opened or not, dad," Julie chuckled.

"And that's the problem."

Julie crawled beneath the blankets and curled up on her father's side, he had put away the book and had his arm around his daughter.

"What's wrong kiddo?" John asked her.

"I miss mummy," she answered.

"Do you remember her?"

"Faintly," Julie mumbled, "I mostly miss her presence, you know... I have you, but it's not the same."

"I know, sweetie," John brushed the wild bush of black curls on top of Julie's head that was then not in a ponytail, "if I only could turn back time..."

"Then what?" Julie asked, "Could you have saved her?"

"Maybe... I don't know," her father sighed and swallowed, "I... Maybe."

"What happened that night?" Julie asked him.

"You have to understand," John explained, "your mother was very sick and I was under a lot of pressure."

"Just tell me," Julie almost begged him.

"We," John took a deep breath and started talking, "we were in a bar... we had a big fight and we thought that we could maybe..."

John stopped talking and closed his eyes to retain his tears, "I can't. Julie I can't, I'm so sorry..."

"Dad I'm old enough!"

"No you're not!" the honey coloured eyes of her father now looked straight into Julie's and Julie saw all the pain that the man never showed come up from underneath the layer of faked happiness and time.

"Dad what is so terrible that you can't tell me?" Julie started crying and scooted away from her father, "What can be so hard to tell? I'm old enough, dad."

"Julie," she saw how a tear ran down the high cheekbones of her father into his light beard and onto his pyjamas. He stood up and walked towards his dresser. He started taking deep breaths and when he finally calmed down again he looked at his crying daughter, sitting on top of the blankets.

"Dad, please!" Julie continued crying. "Daddy I have the right to know!"

"Julie, stop!" John yelled at her. "Just stop! God damn it! Why do you want to know so badly? It's your mother for God's sake! I don't want you to know!"

"But I have the right to!" Julie yelled back. "I have the right, because you weren't the only one that loved her, she was my mother too! And Jack's. We have the right to know! I'm twelve!"

"Exactly. You're twelve," John shook away his tears and sat back down at the bed again, "please don't expect me to tell you something this heavy at Christmas night. Don't expect me to tell you this when it's 3 am. You're twelve for God's sake, you shouldn't have to be burdened with something like this..."

"But yet I already am."

"I know and I'm sorry, sweetheart," John sighed, "I'm so sorry."

"Why are you sorry? You couldn't have done anything about it, right?"

John's eyes shifted, welled up and then turned back to normal, "Right."

"If you can't tell me that," Julie said, "can you at least tell me something else about her?"

John looked back at her and nodded, he rested against his pillow and took Julie back in his arms.

"Have I ever told you how you've gotten your name?" John asked.

"No."

"Well," John chuckled sadly, "your mum and I were in the hospital and you were given to her. She looked at you and her eyes filled up with tears of joy. She looked at me, kissed me and said: 'Elle est jolie.' Which means she is cute, sweet, fun. The meanings are unlimited."

Her father sighed and tried to gather his courage again to finish the story without bursting into tears.

"Anyways," her father continued, "your mother then insisted on calling you Jolie, but I hated that name. The full name would be Joline and I truly hated that name. So I changed one letter and made it Julie. Your mother liked it, we both thought it suited your whole babyness and well... your mother loved Shakespeare, so instead of calling you Julie at your administration like we had planned, she named you Juliet Sheenan."

"She really was stubborn," Julie sighed.

"Oh yes she was," John smiled in thought of the love of his life, "When I found out about it I didn't even mind! She loved to tease me, just like you and Jack, so the fact that I didn't make a comment about the name change drove her crazy. She then brought it up herself and I told her I liked Juliet, but because I liked Juliet she didn't want to call you Juliet anymore, but just Julie. So that's how your official name ended up being Juliet, but everyone calls you Julie."

Julie laughed and closed her eyes, "Was she hard to live with?"

"Oh, you can't even start to imagine! Such a pain in the ass!" John laughed, "but she was my pain in the ass."

Julie kept quiet an snuggled onto John's chest. Soon after she fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 6

**Hey guys!**

 **New chapter from Bitter Sweet Honey. I hope you like it, if you do? Let me know in the comments down below. If you don't? You can still tell me, all opinions are valued.**

 **If you haven't checked out my other story yet? Go check it out. It crosses over with this one. It's a Scabior-Hermione fanfiction, really cool. I'm sure you'd like it!**

 **Enjoy the next chapter!**

 **Chapter 6**

The next morning Julie woke up to find a bunch of presents at the foot of her bed. She stood up, walked to the packages and opened the first one.

It was a huge Christmas cake with red icing, on top was written: _Happy Christmas –Lily_. She smiled, ran her finger across the icing and tasted. So damn sweet.

The next present was Bertie Bott's every flavour Beans from May. May loved those bloody beans, May always brought a package from home, then girls ate them together and laughed at one another when they found a nasty one.

The note read:

 _Happy every flavour Christmas,_

 _love May._

The next was from Remus, it was a big piece of Swiss chocolate, Christmas edition. The letter said:

 _Happy Christmas, Julie._

 _Enjoy the chocolate, it's my favourite._

 _Remus._

The next package was Peter's. He had send her a magic Santa that kept singing Christmas songs when you tickled his belly. The note said:

 _Happy Christmas,_

 _Enjoy the carols, - Peter_

Sasha had send her a big, red sweater with white snowflakes, her note just wished her a happy Christmas.

When she thought she had gone through all the packages, she found another one. She didn't understand who could've send her the package, but she picked it up, sat on her bed and opened the present wrapped with newspapers.

It was a book about Quidditch techniques:

 _The techniques to become a star-Quidditch-player,_

 _For the beginner and the advanced._

There wasn't any note on the wrapping, neither in the package, so she ran through the pages only to find no note was hidden. She then checked the inside of the cover of the book where she found a small note:

 _Happy Christmas,_

 _Maybe it'll be useful._

 _-Sirius_

She felt herself grinning, suppressed it, put the book on the nightstand and walked downstairs.

"Okay, let's go over this again. Shall we?"

"Dad! We've been over this like a dozen times!"

"I don't care, we'll go over it again."

"And I'm the stubborn one..."

"You're going to do great, you're going to get into that bloody team, you're the best, you're my daughter and you rock."

"I know I rock."

"Well then! Nothing that can go wrong."

"Okay, okay... Fine... Bye dad."

"Goodbye Jules."

John kissed Julie on her forehead and watched her roll her eyes, pat Jack on the head and join her fellow Hogwarts students on the train. She waved a few times and then disappeared into the huge crowd of kids.

Julie searched through the compartments for her friends and found them sitting with the boys. She wondered how exactly the boys had convinced the girls to sit with them and opened the door.

"Would you mind me enlightening your compartment with my uplifting spirit?"

"God no!" Lily exclaimed.

Julie chuckled and joined the two girls sitting on a bench opposite from the four boys.

"How exactly did they manage to get you in here?" Julie asked a bit confused.

"There weren't any other compartments free," May sighed, "so now we're stuck with two morons..."

"Hey!" James and Sirius exclaimed synchronically.

"Good job..." Julie rolled her eyes at the girls.

"Good morning Julie," Remus smiled.

"Good morning Remus," Julie smiled back, "Good morning Peter. Another bloody morning to figure out how such nice boys ended up with those two."

"It's not like they are innocent!" James argued.

"Indeed," Sirius backed his friend up, "almost every time we get into trouble, they had a part in it."

The girls looked disappointed at Remus and Peter and decided to keep quiet. The rest of the ride was mostly talking about the holidays. Once in a while she saw Sirius looking at her confused, but the rest was just normal.

After a very long time in the bloody train, cropped up together in one compartment, they were finally released from the torture. Everyone got out, but Sirius stopped her just before she could step out of the train.

"Did you like my present, Jo-Jo?" Sirius asked with a grin.

"It was surprisingly nice of you, Black," Julie said back, patting Sirius' chest, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Sirius said, rather pleased with himself, "you seemed quiet on the train."

"Oh.. really?" Julie asked, pretending like she didn't notice it either, "probably just tired."

"All right then," the boy shrugged an stepped off the train.

"I'm sorry I didn't get you anything!" Julie called after him.

"That's okay! I expect two presence for next Christmas, though," Sirius teased, "I'll send you my wish list."

"Sure Black..."

"Lily? May? I have to tell you something..." Julie sat down on May's bed where they both were sitting.

Lily frowned and nodded, May just looked a bit surprised.

"I'm joining the Quidditch team," Julie stated full of confidence, "well I'm going to try to join the Quidditch team. I'm not on in yet."

Both of the girls stared at her and then at each other with big frowns.

"You? Joining a sports team?" Lily mumbled.

"Yes. Me joining a sports team," Julie said a bit irritated, "I'm pretty good and my dad bought me a broom."

"Well if you want to?" May said, trying to be supportive.

"Why are you both so... non caring? You've seen me fly at the fly lessons. I'm pretty good," Julie said now pissed off, "it's like you can't be happy for me! It's like I don't exist!"

"Julie that's not true!" May said.

"And yet you're both staring at me as if I just said I liked Sirius!" Julie shook her head, "Just try to be my friend! Both of you! It's like you know nothing about me and as if you don't care..."

"Jules..."

"Don't Jules me! I knew you would react this way..."

Lily and May both looked very guilty and then tried to cheer her up.

"We do care," Lily said, "we're sorry, okay? We're happy for you. I'm sure you'll get in the team, right May?"

"Right."

Julie nodded and stood up.

"Wait Julie!" May called after her. "Let's talk about you. Your little brother... Jack, right?"

"Yeah."

"Little Jack, you call him," Lily stated, "and your father's name is John. You live in Scotland near a lake, surrounded by hills, far away from the village. Your mother is French, but you only speak the basics."

"I do," Julie turned around to face her friends.

"You enjoy your tea with a little bit of milk," May continued, "you have your fathers eyes, while your little brother has blue ones like your mother. Your mother is a witch, your father is a muggle. You dislike mornings, you like plants more than people, you're a dog person, but you love cats as well."

"You dislike swimming, because you're afraid of drowning," Lily said, "you only wear dresses because your father thinks you look cute in them. Jeans are really your favourite. You couldn't tie your laces until you were ten years old, because you refused to. You ate spinach like a madmen when you were nine, because you thought it'd make you strong like Popeye."

"Your favourite toy when you were little was the doll that used to be your mothers. You like sunrises more than sunsets, because it's the start of a new day, but yet you hate mornings like I said before," May chuckled, "Even though you despise Sirius and James for their love for trouble, you enjoy it as well, but suppress it. Your favourite flowers are red roses, because to you it symbolizes passion. Your favourite film is Casa Blanca, because it is just, in your words: 'so damn romantic'."

"You really do listen when I talk..." Julie murmured.

"Of course, Julie," Lily chuckled, "you're our best friend."

Julie smiled and sat down at the bed again. "I like flying more than walking, because when I fly I feel free. I feel like another person," Julie explained to them, "I'm good at flying. Lily you're good at learning, May you're good at drawing and I am good at flying. It's my thing. And for you to react like that really hurt my feelings."

"We didn't know," May mumbled, "we're sorry Julie..."

"It's all right," Julie said with a sigh, "let's go outside tomorrow night, my dad will send the broomstick after me. We could practise on my new broom a bit?"

"Sounds like a plan!"


	8. Chapter 7

**Hey guys!**

 **Sorry I didn't update for a long time! I'm really trying to hold both of my stories up and my social life, which is hard.**

 **I hope you enjoy the next chapter! If you did? Good for you, you can tell me in the comments or by favouriting/ following the story, or you could just be happy all to yourself. If you didn't like it? That's possible! Do what ever you feel like.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 7**

"What are you doing here at this hour outside of the castle?" Mr. Pringle said just before he grabbed Julie and May by their collars.

"Just getting some fresh air," May said.

Lily was looking around, trying to find a way to get away from the housekeeper.

"Miss Evans, don't you even think about it," the old man grunted, "we're going to see Professor McGonagall about this matter! Nice bit of detention for you. If it were up to me I'd bloody slam this nonsense out of ye!"

"If it _was_ up to me," Julie corrected, "not were..."

"You bloody know it all!" Pringle snapped, "bugger off you! I'll make sure this one will get extra detention, maybe I'll be able to ease off the rules a bit! That'd be nice... And what's that thing? That wrapped thing? Speak child!"

"It's a broomstick, sir," May said.

"A broomstick, eh?" Pringle said while he squinted an eye, "one of you joining the team, eh?"

"I am sir," Julie spoke up.

"Well... Well... Lying and out of bed in the nights," Pringle chuckled evilly, "I wonder what Professor McGonagall thinks of that!"

/

"I can never seem to understand how my students are always the ones to get into trouble!" Professor McGonagall complained, "and I try so hard... And now three of my best students are sitting in my office to get punished. I am deeply, deeply ashamed."

"Professor..."

"Miss Evans, you are one of the smartest students in this school! All of you can't even start to imagine how disappointed I am in you. This is absolutely unbelievable."

The professor shook her head and sat down again. She looked at the three girls for a minute and took a deep breath.

"I should give you way more punishment than what I'm thinking off right now, but it is after all only the first time that you've really gotten into any trouble. I'm being kind when I say this; the three of you will get three days of detention and twenty points from Gryffindor," the professor decided with sadness in her voice, "now get out before I change my way to forgiving mind."

"Thank you professor," Julie beamed, happy the punishment was way less than she expected.

"Yes, yes," McGonagall said, waving away Julie's comment, "now go! I have more students to lecture."

The three girls stood up and opened the door, only to see four boys waiting in the corridor.

All four of them looked up in surprise and exchanged glances, Julie rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Yes, we were in McGonagall's office, yes, we did something wrong, no, we did not lose our bloody minds," Julie stated dryly, "there's nothing wrong with having a nice walk in the evening with my friends as you might have already experienced. Now what did you bloody morons do wrong?"

"We let mud explode," Remus explained, "in front of Pringle's office. It wasn't really thought through..."

"God you're so stupid," Julie sighed with a shake of the head.

"Hey!" Sirius suddenly exclaimed, "we're not the ones getting busted on a so called "evening walk", we're getting busted on something we couldn't not get caught on, while you, the real morons, got busted on something as silly as going out in the evening. We on the other hand would never get caught for that."

"We're not the ones setting off mud bombs," Lily said, "in front of the office of the caretaker."

"Good point, Evans," James chuckled.

Lily scoffed and shook her head.

"What? I'm being polite!" James grinned cockily.

"Right," Lily sighed, "like the combination of you and polite exists."

"That I'm not poli..."

"Mr. Pettigrew, Mr. Lupin, Mr. Potter and Mr. Black please enter my office for the third time this week," Professor McGonagall said.

"Yes ma'am!" Sirius saluted before he marched into her office.

"Miss Sheenan, Miss Evans and Miss Sullivan please return to your dorms before I make three nights a full week?"

"Yes Professor!" the three of them said synchronically.

"Try hards!" Sirius called after them.

/

"Jo-Jo," Sirius said before he sat down in front of her.

"Black."

"Had a nice detention last night?"

"You should know."

"Why should I?"

"After all, detention is like your second home," Julie joked.

Sirius laughed and then swallowed away his laughter.

"What subjects are you choosing next year?" he grinned.

"Care of Magical Creatures, obviously," Julie sighed, "the second subject I'm not sure about yet."

While they were talking the other boys came in and sat down next to and in front of Sirius.

"Aren't you going to ask me what I'm planning on choosing?" Sirius asked with a cocky smile.

"Nope."

"And why not? If I may ask..."

"Because I don't care," Julie snapped.

Sirius' grin disappeared as Lily and May came in and sat down next to Julie with a sigh.

"Why are we talking with nitwit number two again?" she asked Julie as if Sirius wasn't hearing them.

"Nothing special, really," Julie said, "just leave it."

"All right," Lily said, "By the way, they were picking on Severus again..."

"He deserved it!" James said, who had just started taking interest in the conversation, "he was talking about us behind our backs again, calling us names and all."

"I wonder why..." Julie mumbled beneath her breath.

"Julie," Remus said, "he truly was asking for it."

"Seriously Remus?" Lily sighed, "You're choosing their side?"

"Hey! They _are_ my friends!"

"And I'm not?" Julie scoffed and shook her head.

"Julie, don't be like that!" Remus said with a sigh.

"There's trouble in paradise..." Peter added.

"Just shut up," Julie snapped again, "all of you. I don't want to hear another bloody thing coming out of anyone's mouth except for the mouth of bloody Professor Binns. My Quidditch audition is in a few days, I'm nervous, I'm irritated and I'm mostly sick of all of this nonsense."

All of her friends suddenly completely shut their mouths and turned around to face the board, even Lily was speechless.

"Thank you," Julie sighed.

/

"Nervous?"

"Nah," James said with a cocky smile, "I'll make the team without a doubt. You?"

"The usual bit of nervousness," Julie confessed, "but what to expect?"

James nodded and played with his broom.

"I noticed your Nimbus 1000," he said, trying to mask his envy.

"You did?" Julie asked with a smirk, "What do you think?"

"It's a good broom."

"It most certainly is."

The seven Quidditchplayers from that year introduced themselves and explained what they were offering and expecting from the participators. With Julie and James included, there were 10 participators and 3 open spots.

7 chasers

3 seekers

Julie hated those odds.

One by one they were called forward until finally James was up. He walked forward with a huge load of confidence and introduced himself to the then current players. He stepped on his broom and showed the seven players what he could do. And he could do a lot.

He did tricks, spins and scored all of the balls he had gotten.

All of the other chasers were flabbergasted and were already worrying about their possibility of having a spot on the team. Julie shook her head with a grin and watched as James gave the players another hand and how he walked towards her again.

"How about that?" James said with a wink.

"If you hadn't asked it like that," Julie started, "I would have given you a compliment."

"I take that as a compliment as well," James grinned satisfied and sat down.

"Very well."

They watched the other chasers together and Julie listened to James ranting on about the mistakes the other participants made. Finally the seekers were up and Julie was second after a fourth year girl who almost nailed it.

She walked towards the seven people with their broomsticks and shook all off their hands, then she smiled awkwardly and prepared herself to play the best game she could.

She shot up in the air and waited for the captain, David Lesci, to release the snitch.

She had to close her eyes for ten seconds and then go after it. When she heard the captain shout she opened her eyes and started searching. She went up higher and higher and scanned the playing field with her eyes, looking for something to flicker in the lights of the sport field.

After a minute of desperate searching she finally saw a flicker of light. She darted towards it and kept scanning until she saw the snitch's exact location. She duck towards the ground, where it was flying at about a meter from the solid ground and reached out her hand. She felt her fingers wrap around the cold surface of the snitch and quickly changed the direction of her broom by pointing it up.

Just before she hit the ground her broom flew back up. She was unharmed and holding up the golden snitch like she was the conqueror of the world.

A grin sneaked up on her lips as she made her way to the players to hand the snitch over again.


	9. Chapter 8

**Hey guys!**

 **Enjoy the chapter and make sure to check out my other story called His Path Towards Freedom!**

 **Chapter 8**

Obviously Julie got the position as seeker, because even though the other two nailed it as well, she did it in about three minutes.

James got the spot as a chaser together with a nice fifth year called Maggie Hopkins. James was beaming the whole week, talking about how he beat them all and how he would be the saviour of the Gryffindor team that hadn't been playing that well since they came to school.

Julie on the other hand kept on being happy and glorious without showing it, she had told her friends about her position as Seeker, but more than that she didn't really talk about it.

That year James, Julie and Maggie would attend about five training sessions to get used to the idea, but they would completely train with the rest the next year.

After a week of listening to James, again, ranting on about Quidditch, Sirius punched him in the face during Charms and was sent off to McGonagall.

It did quiet James down a bit, to the relief of literally everyone.

Anyways, Julie hadn't been to her favourite Hogwarts tree in a long time, so she decided that after school she would pay it a visit and just relax. Like she did in her tree at home.

So after her last period, she sneaked out and went outside, where she immediately walked into Sirius alone.

"I heard you made the team," Sirius said with a grin, "congrats Jo-jo."

"Thanks Black," Julie said, withholding herself from smiling at the congratulation.

"What are you doing outside?" Sirius asked with a raised eyebrow, "planning on getting more detention just to be with me?"

"Very funny, Black," she said, "and it's none of your business."

"Why can't I know?" Sirius chuckled, "Are you planning on flirting with the merpeople or something?"

"Darn, you guessed right," Julie said dryly.

Sirius licked his lip at the fast remark and walked inside, "Have fun kissing fish!"

"Have fun kissing ghosts!"

"Hey! That's insulting towards ghosts!" Sirius called after her.

"Yeah it was!" She yelled, "Because they would have such bad taste!"

Sirius turned around with a gasp and walked away from her backwards, "That hurt!"

"So does looking at your face," Julie smirked, "so turn around, will you?"

Sirius grunted, turned himself back in the direction he was walking, put his hands on his waist fiercely and walked away from the girl that had just won the argument. Julie kept on smiling and walked towards her big tree again. She climbed in and closed her eyes... Silence...

/

"Hey May," Julie said right before she dropped down upon her bed.

"Morning," she mumbled during her drawing session.

"It's almost evening," Julie chuckled.

"Shush."

"What are you drawing?" Julie asked as she walked towards May sitting in the window sill.

"Mostly flowers," she murmured.

"They're beautiful," Julie said before she took the sketchpad from May and went through the drawings.

"Thank you," May chuckled, "I actually mad a drawing for you, it's in another sketchbook. I had totally forgotten about it..."

May stood up and walked towards her bed, she took out a few sketchbook from underneath her bed.

"You've got so many!" Julie exclaimed.

"Wait until you see my bedroom at home," May chuckled, "compared to that, this is nothing."

"I can only imagine."

May went through the sketchbooks and took one out, it was a drawing of Julie in a rose garden, everything was black and white, except for the roses.

"Wow," Julie said, "thank you, May. Can I keep it?"

"Of course," she said before she ripped out the piece of paper and handed it to Julie, "There you go."

"Thank you," Julie said with a beaming smile, she sat down at her bed and looked at the drawing. She loved it.

/

"I'm going to miss you guys so much," Lily said, trying to retain herself from crying.

"Merlin you guys are so emotional!" Julie exclaimed, "Man yourself up! We'll see each other in a few weeks!"

"That you are an emotionless brick doesn't mean we are," May laughed, the other two girls laughed with her.

"I'm not emotionless, though," Julie corrected May, "I just have the..."

"Here we go again..." Lily said with an eye roll.

"You really have to retain your stubbornness Jo-Jo," Sirius said who just stepped out of the train.

"Were you eavesdropping again, Black?" Julie said with a smirk.

"Just passing by and overheard you being the usual pain in the ass again," Sirius smirked right back.

"Of course you did, nitwit," Julie scoffed.

"Have a bad holiday, Jo-Jo!" he called as he walked towards his family.

"May it suck along with the British weather!" Julie called after him.

Julie returned her attention to her friends and sighed, "I hate that little prick. Who does he bloody think he is?"

"The king of the world," Remus said as he stepped out of the train as well and joined the group of girls together with Peter.

"Have a good holiday all of you," Peter said with a smile.

"Yeah you too!" the girls called after the boy that reunited with his parents.

"Well I'm going to get going as well," Remus said, "see you guys next year. Bye, Jules."

"Have a nice holiday Remus," Julie said.

"Yeah," Lily said.

"Nice holiday!" May called after him.

Julie gave all of the girls another hug and left them to see her family again. John was beaming and waiting to get his little girl in his arms and little Jack was standing next to his father with a huge smile.

When Julie reached her family, she let go of her trunk and was thrown into the air by her father, "My Julie in the Quidditch team! I told you, you would make it! Oh I'm so proud of you, honey!"

He gave her a peck on the cheek and held her into his arms for a long hug.

"It's good to have you back, honey," he said after he released her.

"Dad, you're being too emotional again," Julie said with a sigh.

"Oh! Pardon me for loving and being proud of my daughter!" John said with his hands raised, "I'm such a terrible parent!"

"Don't be silly," Julie scoffed, "let's go, I'm hungry."

/

Julie woke up with a bulky feeling in her stomach, her bladder felt like it was about to explode. She quickly jumped out of bed, went to the bathroom and returned, but was stopped by an odd sound.

She stood still for a few seconds and let the sound sink in, it was coming from her father's bedroom. She opened the door and found her father sitting in bed with a picture of their mother in his hand and tears streaming down his eyes. The free hand was rubbing his eyes, his shoulders were moving along the sobbing.

Julie swallowed and stepped inside, "Daddy, are you okay?" she asked concerned as she took a step closer towards him.

"I miss her Julie," he mumbled through his crying, "I really do miss her."

"I know, dad," Julie said before she sat down beside her father.

"And I shouldn't be talking to you about her," er father took a few deep breaths and put the picture away, his crying had stopped, but his voice was still cracked, "you're only thirteen... I'm sorry, you're not supposed to see me like the mess I am sometimes."

"Dad... It's all right," she said, trying to persuade him in seeing she was ready to hear more about her mother.

"No, it's not, Julie," John said a bit frustrated then, mostly with himself, "go back to bed."

"But... dad!"

"Go to bed, Julie," her father said before he stood up and opened the door, "I'm sorry you saw that."

"Dad it has been eight years since she left!" she said annoyed, "I have the right to know how!"

"You don't want to know how, Julie," John sighed after he wiped away his tears, "you really don't."

"Yes, I do!" Julie yelled at her already sobbing father, "It's you who doesn't want me to know!"

"Because when I tell you, Julie," John yelled back at her with new tears in his eyes, "You wish I had never spoken a word about it!"

"Daddy?" Jack said who had just gotten out of his bedroom, "Why are you and Julie yelling?"

"Jack go back to bed," their father said fiercely, "and you too Julie."

Julie opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by her father, "Don't you dare let another word slip from that godforsaken stubborn mouth of yours. I am you father and I have the say in this household. Now go to bed!"

Julie let her head down and walked away from her father she looked back only to see her father leaning against the doorframe, drowning in his own tears. She stopped walking and looked at her devastated father for a moment and swallowed.

"I have the right to know."


	10. Chapter 9

**Hey guys!**

 **I'm sorry the last two/ three chapters were a bit rushed, I'm really sorry. I hope you enjoy this one.**

 **The characters from this story also appear in His Path towards Freedom, so if you like a bit of a crossover between stories, check it out.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 9**

Her father's eyes shifted from sad to ice cold, Julie turned away from her father again and walked the last few steps to her bedroom. She entered and threw the door shut behind her, another few steps brought her back into bed.

She crawled beneath the blankets, curled up in a little ball and started throbbing. All that time her father had left her without any knowledge of what had happened to her mother. She knew she had died, she knew her remains were buried in a graveyard near the French coast, she knew all sorts of little things about her mother, things her father told them. But she didn't know how her mother had died. What could be that terrible?

Her body was shaking from the grief rushing through her, she didn't have many memories of her mother. To be fair, only one. Of her mother and her splashing each other in a children's pool. She smiled at the thought of that.

For little Jack it was even worse, he was only one year old when their mother, Lux, had died. He didn't know a thing, besides the stories their father had told.

Julie regained herself again after another few minutes of crying and took a deep breath. She unclenched her tense muscles and lay back in the bed. She closed her eyes and started listening to the air going in and out of her lungs.

She tried to let every worry in the world disappear, the nervousness for the next school year, her father's sadness, her unknowingness, the two boys torturing her.

She just let it all slide and fell into a deep sleep.

/

Julie woke up to the light sneaking through the little cracks from the curtains. She stretched her legs and stepped out of bed, she opened her window and stepped onto the branch of her tree beside her bedroom window. He hands were wrapped around the one above her before she let her whole weight upon the branch.

She sat down for another moment or so and took a deep breath, she climbed down further, ignoring the pain from climbing down on her bare feet and walked into the kitchen where she found her father reading the newspapers with a big cup of tea.

"Good morning," she mumbled.

"Good morning..." he father responded with a sigh," about last night..."

"Don't bother," Julie said, "it's all right."

"No," John put down his newspapers and gestured for Julie to sit down, "you were right. You were right all along, I just... wasn't ready yet. I'm still not ready to tell you, but I owe it to you."

"Thank you," Julie said, "I don't understand how your opinion has changed that much since last night, though. Not that I'm complaining."

"I suddenly realised what she would do," John said, "she would want me to tell you."

Julie nodded and crossed her legs, "Tell me then."

"All right," John took a deep breath and started talking, "when you were about five and Jack about one your mother and I were going through rough times. We constantly had arguments, about literally everything, from what day to pay the taxes to me working late all the time."

John took a sip from his tea and continued.

"One day I had had enough. She was accusing me of cheating, which I would never dream of, and I stormed out of our apartment and went to the pub. I was staying at a room in that pub for three days until she called me at work and asked me if we could talk," John explained, "so we had planned to meet that afternoon at 5 pm precisely. I was already sitting there, nervous as bloody hell, hoping she would forgive me and we could go back to normal. Eventually she arrived fifteen minutes late with Jack. You were at a play date.

She sat down and ordered a drink, we talked through some of the basic things that were bothering our relationship. Like me not doing enough in the household, me working late a lot, she never wanting to do things... I enjoyed... Anyways it went all right until she asked me if I really never cheated on her.

I said I didn't.

She didn't truly believe me, which turned me rabbit.

I and started shouting all sorts of insults at her and when I told her that she was supposed to be special, but was only sitting at home doing nothing, something snapped in her as well.

She stood up with tears in her eyes and walked out of the pub, "Goodbye, John," she had said.

I suddenly realised all eyes were fixated on me, and all of the eyes were afraid. I ran outside to apologize to her, but she was already crossing the road.

She was running to the opposite side of the big road when a car hit her. She was swung into the air meters high and crashed onto the brick road. I ran towards her, ignoring the drivers shouting and made my way to your mother laying on the road covered in blood, surrounded by people.

I told them I was her husband and that they needed to call an ambulance, but it was already too late.

She was dead."

Julie was staring her father in the eye with tears in her eyes and swallowed, "How could you?"

"I..."

"She is dead... because of you," Julie gasped, "you killed her."

"Please don't say that, Julie," John begged her, "Please. This is why I didn't want to tell you."

"Jack and me are motherless, because you had a fight," Julie scoffed while the tears were running down her eyes, "how ironic is that?"

"Julie..." her father cried out, "Julie please... Listen to me!"

Julie looked at her father with a trembling lip and kept quiet.

"Before she was completely gone, her blue eyes were focused on mine," John said with a lump in his throat, "she smiled, Julie. She smiled as she went. She was so strong, so much stronger than I will ever be and I see that in you. She forgave me... I didn't kill her, I didn't drive that car."

"You just pushed her into walking in front of it."

"I had just forgotten how fortunate I was," John said, "I should've told your mother over and over that I was faithful, that I loved her and only her and I should've been there to raise our children from the start, but I didn't. I can't turn back time, I was drunk night after night while your grandmother took care of you. I cried over her photograph every night and sang the song she always sang to you.

I stayed in France for a month to attend her funeral and after visited her grave every morning."

"I have only visited her twice," Julie said with a rasp in her voice, "twice I've been to the grave of my dead mother."

"I know, I'm sorry..."

"I remember when I asked you where mummy was," Julie mumbled, "I remember that you said that she was somewhere else now, that she was in a better place and that she couldn't be with us anymore. That she wanted to, but that she couldn't. I remember that I didn't accept it, that I went searching for her and that you begged me to stop. I remember how I went to all the places she used to go when you weren't looking and started shouting "Mummy?", because maybe, just maybe she'd hear me."

"I know."

"Maybe she did hear me, dad," Julie said with a sigh, "maybe she didn't. Either way she couldn't say anything back to me, she will never be able to say anything to me anymore. Who should I blame, dad? If I can't blame you?"

"I..."

"Should I blame God?" Julie scoffed, "Should I blame the driver, because he could've stopped?"

"No, but..."

"Then who? Myself? Jack?" Julie cried out, "You can't expect me not to blame you."

"And I don't," John confessed, "I don't expect you to, but I do hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me for the mistakes I have made."

"Everyone makes mistakes," Julie said with a cold voice, "but not everyone keeps such a thing from their children their entire life's."

"Can't you understand how hard it is for me to tell you this?" John asked her offended, "Can't you understand that even though I believe she has forgiven me, there is still a part that makes me think she hates me? Can't you understand how it is to live with the feeling that your wife, the love of your life, is dead because of you and that you have to tell your children, the people you love more than anything, how?"

"Of course I can understand."

"Well then... could you maybe, just maybe, forgive me?" John asked her with a knot in his throat, "I didn't only protect myself, Julie, I was also protecting you."

"I know, dad..."

"I'm sorry, Julie," John said before he took his daughter's hand in his, "is everything all right?"

"No, dad," Julie scoffed, "I'm not all right."

John nodded and let go of her hand, "I guess the ones that are, are the luckiest bastards alive."

"Or they are simply blind," Julie said with a sigh.


End file.
